Now we know the answer to that age old question, Who Sank My Battleship? And the answer is…drum roll please…this movie!

Imagine mixing “Saving Private Ryan”, “Transformers”, “E.T”, and “Failure to Launch”. You can’t see how that will work together huh? Here’s a secret-it doesn’t! Battleship, written by Erich and John Hoeber (how much you want to bet Battleship was one of their favorite board games); and directed by Peter Berg- misses the mark. Staring in this 2 hour and 11 minute flick is Taylor Kitsch (Lieutenant Alex Hopper), Alexander Skarsgard (Commander Stone Hooper), Brooklyn Decker (Sam), Liam Neeson (Admiral Shane) and pop star Rihanna as Petty Officer Cora “Weps” Raikes.

The plot has been done so many times before-good vs. evil, aliens attacking earth, loser turned relevant; team work makes the dream work, we could go on with the cliches as this movie did, but we dare to be different! This movie had potential but the finished product was mediocre.

The movie starts off with the discovery of a planet believed to be capable of sustaining life. We are introduced to two brothers, the older one is building a solid career in the Navy and the younger one is on a fast track to nowhere. Fast forward a couple of years, the life form descends on earth and the younger brother seemingly has his life together. Add in some C+ battle scenes and there you have it-Battleship.

As you can tell this movie rubbed us the wrong way. There were too many disjointed pieces that just didn’t go over well. First, the writers left some pretty significant questions unanswered. And not in a “we’re going to answer this in a sequel” type of way. That would have required planning and thought. Let’s give them the benefit of doubt and assume they just forgot. Something else that was annoying was the acting. Individually the actors were ok, but as an ensemble, not so much. This movie played like a band missing a section of instruments. The plot was predictable, nothing remarkable, or even that memorable. There were some funny and feel good moments splattered throughout, but they were too few and far between.

This movie is a disappointment. If you’re feeling nostalgic…wait until this come on TV and watch it while you’re playing the board game Battleship.

Leave a Reply